Thursday, September 6, 2012

Bob Marley asked: "Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?"  How would you answer him?

I am not a naturally happy person. People have often mistaken my "neutral" face for upset. Upon reflection, I do think that as of today, I am happy and satisfied with my life!
My life may not be perfect right now, but I am happy a good deal of the time. Since approximately this time two years ago my body had started to give up on me. It started with pancreatitis and moved fairly quickly to anemia and kidney failure. Since December I have been on hemo-dialysis three times a week. At one point in my life I have been in similar situations and thought "Why me?" I didn't just think it, I let everyone around me know how unfair I felt this was. What had I done to deserve this?
I'm not sure what has changed beyond maturity. The fact of the matter is that this round of health problems is worse because of my age. I cannot recover easily as I did when I was a teen. Even in my 30's I was faster at recovery. Now, the slightest infection wipes out all my energy. But, I'm either more mature and don't need to whine or I've resigned myself to this lifestyle where I no longer travel, cook frequently, or consentrate well.
I hope the detailing of my health problems hasn't come across as unhappiness, because the point I'm trying to make is that DESITE all of that, I feel happy. I'm pleased with my life and with the minor accomplishments I've made. I have a wonderful husband and an outstanding relationship with him. I have a beautiful daughter who makes me proud every day. I have an accomplished son who keeps me honest with myself. Together with his incredible wife, who I also love, they have given me two unbelievable granddaughters. These two girls help me feel young again as I see things through their eyes. They also help me feel a bit old when they wear me out with their energy, but I'll take the exchange.
I am not a naturally happy person, but my life has made me happy, and that's what it takes to be satisfied.

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