Thursday, September 6, 2012

Are you okay with letting people see you cry?

That, of course, is the short answer.
I do cry in front of people occasionally if I cannot hold the tears back, but believe me, I try with everything I have to keep them to myself. This usually happens at events like funerals, weddings, deaths of my favorite characters on television (Ducky!), and moving music. Luckily the television deaths and music happen when I'm alone or only with my hubby. He's not shy about trying to comfort me. Unfortunately, he also tries to comfort me when we are in public, which draws more attention to my tears than I would like.
The most dangerous tears are those shed over music. Usually I am driving alone when this happens. I'm driving along and one of those sappy love songs or songs about illnesses or dying (Sara Beth by Rascal Flats) comes on and I start bawling my eyes out. Now I cannot see the road when there are that many tears flowing. And, inevitably, I can't get my face back to normal by the time someone sees me. My face is blotchy and my eyelashes stay wet no matter how I try to dry them. More than one drive-thru employee has looked at me with pity.
I will also admit to crying in public when I am in pain. And, by public I mean the hospital. Doctors and nurses need to know when they have pushed me past my pain threshold, and the only way to ensure that they notice is to cry. Doctors rarely do anything differently, but at least they acknowledge the problem. Nurses often try to alleviate the suffering if there is a way available.
Why am I not okay with letting people see me cry? Probably because of the hypocrisy that ends up surfacing. I get lots of attention when I do cry in public, but all of the "Are you okay?" questions are stupid. Do I look okay? Offers to help rarely come to tangible action which annoys me beyond belief. "What can I do?" is also a stupid question. I really wish people would just do SOMETHING! They know what they are capable of and what time limits they have, I don't. And, no matter what they do, ANYTHING is better than NOTHING.

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