This is day four of a run of sleepless nights (not so unusual) and only catching an hour or two during the day. It's not for lack of trying. I'm in bed now, and I know I shouldn't have my electronics and gadgets in bed with me when I'm trying to sleep, but at some point I gave up lying in the dark listening to Matt breath and Duchess snore. I'll be getting up in about 15 minute to start my day. If I'm lucky it will include an actual nap and not an attempted one.
I am lucky enough that I have time for naps and a grown family who support my nap habit. I just need this recent inability to sleep to say goodbye. I am tired. Trust me on this. I need the nap pretty badly today since I have to drive the 26 miles to dialysis tonight. That 45 minute drive is not safe if I fall asleep in the car with the rhythmic movements of the tires, the overly familiar sites, the inability to change positions, and whatever else makes small children and me fall asleep so easily on a car ride. 45 minutes? 10 minutes could be just as bad at this point!
Do I worry more now after my two accidents? Yes.
Did I fall asleep to cause either accident? No.
Are you sure? Yes! I am a statistic.
The first accident was one mile from dialysis. I had driven 25 miles of the incredibly familiar road and wasn't as aware as I should have been. A minor curve in the road, a lack of sidewalk, potential ice in Matt's opinion, and there it is. A bent tire rim and the beginnings of reality checks I've given myself lately.
The second accident was about two miles from home. I had safely navigated 24 miles back from dialysis when a familiar curve was sharper than I judged it to be. A broken axel and a serious questioning of my driving abilities from myself (and Scott) and there it is, again. The car should have flipped over, but apparently I'm needed around here still.
I bought my Saturn with the thought in mind that I will probably bump into things still. If I put down the number of bumps and bruises the Chevy had it would seem that the "accident" was really a mercy killing, inanimate object version. The Saturn is also a P.O.C., but with rust spots instead of dents and a locked steering column instead of an overheated engine. The Chevy's AC didn't work, the Saturn's barely works.
Okay, that's enough of that. Lets just say they are comparable in their worth. Whatever the problems though, if I don't fall asleep in this bed, that car is not where I can make up the time.